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I am a fan of Chris Colfer as an actor on Glee, and I’m curious about him as an author, and as actor in other shows (he is amazing in the staged read of 8):

He has written a couple of best selling YA novels.  The first one I read, the second one I listened to part of, they are interesting and fun.  Not my usual genre but pleasant.  So now that he is on a book tour for the third I checked to see if we would line up anywhere, and low and behold we did.  I ordered two books, got two tickets, and planned to go stand in front of him (as hundreds were doing every day) for eight seconds.

Each person *could* have six items to sign.  There are photographs into the 250 person range with me overhearing one employee saying there were 400 tickets distributed.

Two things start to happen in tandem to each other.

The first is that I became acutely aware of him as a person, and I cannot imagine spending three weeks going around the country doing what he is currently doing.  Even with staff to help (Neil Gaiman has written interesting things about being the guy in the center of a book tour), being excited about the potential to promote the book, and being genuinely interested in the people who read it … I just.  Couldn’t.  I wanted to bring a bottle of water, or diet pepsi, or an apple.  Something to acknowledge his humanity in this.  I wonder about the surreal nature of being a 24 year old guy who wins awards, is a New York Times bestselling author, who sings like a dream and has gotten very very fine in the last couple of years and looking up and smiling …

…while the second thing is happening.

The girl who I overhear saying that she has worked for an hour a night for 30 nights on what she wants to give him.  I see her later, after she met him for 8 seconds sobbing Beatlemania style outside the book store.

I see the retiree who is hopping up and down.

I see the woman in front of me who is older than I am, has two Glee related tattoos that I can see, and has a special made phone cover which is a picture of her and Darren Criss.  I hear her say to a stranger / new friend that Darren has seen her at so many events that he recognizes her.

I know there are many shades of intensity in any fandom, and that a lot of them are healthy (or mainly healthy most of the time at least).  Hell, I’ve chosen to drive for an hour each way to spend 8 seconds with him.  I’ve made special shirts for other things.  Fuck – I’m going to Dragon*Con in costume (AGAIN).

Still, I think about some things Glee cast members (especially Chris & Darren) have said in regards to the actions of the fictional characters they play.  I think about people who find solace in fandom (me, sometimes) and those who drift over to the deep end of fandom where their own life drifts away on a cloud of gathering information about someone else.

I love seeing people excited about stuff, I know that my geek shows up in strange ways, I know that adults are not allowed much in the way of giddy reaction to anything, and more than anything I kind of hope that (1) everybody at that book signing was ok by the end of it, and (2) that Chris enjoys his work because I doubt that he predicted that it would be like this.

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I read a lot of spoilers about Glee, but nobody under the age of 35 seems to have any grip on what really happened with Sam this episode. So welcome, to Nationals.

Most of the spoilers were twitching with anger that the straight, blonde, white guy was going to have to save Blaine from a panic attack at nationals. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I would love for them to reintroduce Blaine to his spine because my G-D has his character jumped the shark. BUT.

Let’s review Sam’s high school career …
1. Last guy the lesbian dated, and then, because she’s generally mean, is taunted by her.
2. Briefly homeless.
3. Works secretly as a stripper to provide for his parents.
4. Is found by his high school friends working as a stripper.
5. Lives, apparently, with friends for the rest of high school.
6. Decides against college to be a model in New York.

Through all of this he is an open, pleasant, wide-open kind of guy. A little dumb maybe, but overall you’d invite him to dinner and maybe introduce him to a friend as a romantic potential kind of guy – when he is 20.

His life is going NOWHERE. He’s good looking but he’s not going be a model for long – or well. So Mr. Shu sets him up. With a prepared & ready group, Shu looks at him as says, “you’re a leader, you’ll get them through this.”

It is the one moment that he’ll look back on for the rest of his life. He’ll recount his glorious speeches, how he stood up to Jean, how he thought to bring the plaque and then got mad and shouty at Throat Explosion. He’ll use the stories to get women into bed until he is 25, he’ll tell it to his kids until he is 40, his grandkids will snicker about his high school glory days even after he dies.

Still. For one glorious moment, Sam Evans will have stepped forward into the spotlight that was never meant for him – because Mr. Shu pointed it at him, just this once.

Ok. So. Clearly, two lovely people people being shot by lovely photographers in a lovely setting with stunning lighting.

Also. The thing that has been pissing me off for a week.

Jonathan Groff, Lea’s best friend for many years, is making the rounds with her as she advertises her upcoming CD and book. Also, Glee is bringing the focus back around to New York (possibility: the puking shit storm that has been the first half of the season was a panicked distraction to give Lea some time … I’d take that as an explanation).

It is possible, but doubtful, that Lea has tried to incorporate Jonathan into this press junket. I say doubtful because this woman was young Cosette on Broadway for cripes sakes. I imagine she’s better at press junkets than she is at many many social things.

Is it, perhaps, that she has reached an uncomfortable moment in quasi-public-widow-ish-hood. She was in love. He died. Six months have passed, and the album is finished, the book is finished, and it is time to press flesh. BUT NOT THAT FLESH. She did a round of heartfelt renditions of Cannonball (an…odd song, and one of two that Cory never heard) where she often clutched her heart and sung longingly to the rafters.

Steps into the public world still wrapped in Cory’s death. I get that, I really really do.

Then what?

Just let her out there?

A 27 year-old woman, who plays a 19 year old on television. With no (visible, publicly consumed) support? What if she felt sad (she does)? What if she looked happy (she does, she’s worked hard on these projects)? What would send a clear message that she was still bubble wrapped? What would provide the excuse for a moment of non-grief on her face?

Right.

The best friend.

Who has been out for a long time.

Who is also beautiful.

I might be wrong. But tell me this, if Bobby Brown and Whitney had still been married when she died – who would have been hovering around the edges six months out?

Did you answer a non-sexually available beautiful woman? No?
Did you answer he’d just be out there living his life without a chaperone?

For about a week I’ve been 20% – 40% sick most days with a head cold of some sort.
My dad had a couple of medical things at the end of last week and the start of this week (all of which went well).
I made my way back to the gym yesterday (to walk slow enough I could also read a book) after having not been around much for weeks.
Friday I ate can of spray cheese and the mandatory column of Ritz crackers that were used as a transport device.
It was a weekend full of John memories.
I have a freelance deadline on Thursday which is taking longer than I thought.

So, what doe we have there?
Sad? Yes
Scared? Yes
Eating Well? No
Moving Body? No

So when today has devolved into a glut of YouTube Darren Criss / Doctor Who / Vlogbrothers binging I started to be disappointed in myself. Unhelpful conversations about the ability to maintain my end of the bargain.

Then, Wil Wheaton came to my rescue. He wrote. Now, to be clear – I don’t think I’m headed into a Major Thing of any sort – but I’m sure not doing much to keep myself healthy at the moment either.

I’m going to fill up my water bottle.
Check that my gym bag is packed for tomorrow.
Make something.

I claimed my sad day. I’ll see ya tomorrow.

Which is NOT to say that there aren’t tons of great writers on the internet, because clearly, there are. They write stuff, and blogs, and fanfic and all of the rest of it. I love those folks, even when I’m not interested in what they write.

But as a note to Ryan Murphy and Steven Moffat — they do not replace the comprehensive mind of a show runner.

I’m on record as being delighted the Murphy appeared to have listened to the internet a lot when he was writing both the Kline proposal, and The Quarterback. I stand by those being some of the best shows I saw in the last of 2013. Moffat did the same with the 50th anniversary show. Again, some of the best TV I saw last year (even with the systematic dismantling of RTD years and the rage sputter that creates for me).

But what happens when you write yourself into a corner, wait too long, and let the internet dig you out of a hole? From the write ups I have seen so far about the new Sherlock episode, you get stuff like this:

From collar pop to hair ruffle it is a perfect rendition of what a chunk of the fan base wants – and not the answer. As are a number of theories that are worked through – but not the answer.

Watching twitter & tumblr last night it was all giddy reaction and happy screeching. A fair number of those folks have come back online today and talked about how it didn’t feel cohesive, it was out of step for the characters, that it was too disjointed, etc …

(See also Glee’s puppet show & Christmas episode, also the Doctor Who Christmas episode).

Fandoms have the real potential to be like children. We want what we want, but it is actually better for us if it isn’t constantly handed to us by a fearful show runner who is afraid of the internet tantrum that will ensue if he follows an inner vision as opposed to fanfic.

Now watch, when I finally see the Sherlock episode the emotional skill of the actors will cover up all the rest of all of it.

Because that is what they count on.

I have now seen the Doctor Who Christmas special, which was the last show for Matt Smith. Even after 24 hours, I’m just pissed. I’m not the only one.

Now, I was never a rabid Matt Smith fan, he did a great heartbroken-old-man but day to day I was unmoved. I loved his interactions with Rory and with River. I never cared for Clara, and Amy I could take or leave. The Silence are an interesting idea — poorly delivered for the most part. NONE of these truths made me the target audience for the show.

It is true that a lot of the lose ends for the show have been discussed. Too many for a one-hour episode meant to be an emotional fond farewell (which is why they were each handled by a statement of truth taking 5 seconds with no … oh just fuck it).

Even as somebody who never really adored Smith’s Doctor — he fucking deserved better than this.

Doctor Who capitalizes on the anniversary special by hoping nobody will notice that the Christmas episode was stupid. I’m afraid, because I’ve been waiting for years to find out how Sherlock didn’t die and I’m worried that Moffat is going to fuck that up too.

(and I’m still mad about the Glee Christmas episode)

Billy Joel episode last night. The music was great, a lovely chance to highlight Darren Criss and Kevin McHale (the voice of the later I am REALLY starting to enjoy), hell, even Chord Overstreet didn’t make me mad! Hooray!

Rachel got flirty eyed with Sam. (The Gleek Internet breaks from the WRONG! of it)
I think it is fine, I think it will be fine if they hook up, I think it will be fine if she beds some rando, I think it is fine if she is forever chaste. This character is a 19 year old who loved but was not dating a guy who lived in a different state. Especially given the completely unknowable amount of time that has passed, I think we just need to take a giant step back from thinking she’s going bind her groin in cast iron for the rest of her life.

“But OOOOoooohhhhh, it isn’t fair to Lea…” shouts the Gleek Internet.
Lea is the only person gets to choose when Lea (as a person or as an actress) gets flirty eyed with anybody. Ryan Murphy has seemed supportive, and I suspect that if Lea couldn’t muster the Professional Act of Flirty Eyes after four months, or if she thought it was unreasonable for the character then Santana would have been the designated flirty eyes person … or hell – maybe Kurt and Blaine could have made eye contact just for the hell of it.

Let’s not forget — Lea is enough of an actress that she is living a life that millions of women aspire to and will never achieve. I suspect Professional Flirty Eyes with a trusted friend just isn’t that hard to muster. Honestly, I can wrangle flirty eyes when I’m trying to get a free car rental upgrade.

I think it is sad that Michelle Williams will always be tied to Heath Ledger, and I think the same will be true (in a slightly smaller way) for Lea and Cory. Still, Lea is also a full grown woman who is not wearing cast iron panties and heaven help her the day she makes Non-Professional Flirty Eyes and someone notices.

The Klaine story line got a lot of time, some affection, and some weird chastity – which I am kind of hating. But, that is the same as most days.

My husband teases me by saying, “yeah, but you don’t like science fiction”. Which, I said to him more than once in our earlier years together. Usually he says this when I’m in the fifth minute of flapping, hyperventilating, squeaking monologue about Billie Piper playing Rose playing Bad Wolf.

Or that most things I think about writing are prefaced with the phrase, “I like what John Scalzi says about this …”

Or that I listen to Welcome To Night Vale at all.

Readers here know of my twitching about Glee, and Amanda F*cking Palmer (new release today with her husband —TWIRL)

Paul McCann mentions [redacted] and brings a 20 year body of work into cannon in an instant. And breaks the internet. I complain about cannon and head-cannon [because head cannon is NOT A THING].

What does all of this do for a 40 year-old woman?

It makes me feel excited — excited like Santa Claus is REAL.
It focuses me outside of my immediate world.
It helps me remember that all of this is real – but it ain’t all serious all the time.
Doctor Who shows chivalry and goodness.
Glee flirts.
AFP is power and determination
WTNV actually turns words the way my mind does, and keys into the absurdist part of me that doesn’t get aired out much.

I like Slate’s Political Gabfest because it tunes me into the political world in a way that is comfortable.
I like Adam Savage’s Still Untitled podcast because DANG he is clever, creative, and friendly sounding.
I like Wil Wheaton because he is the voice of my part of my generation.

I’m already apoplectic about the Doctor Who special — and the sequence / prequel this morning just cemented me as a screaming crazed fangirl. Honestly, I really need to have lunch with someone (either in person or on the phone) who is totally willing to hyperventilate over all this stuff. I am so.damn.excited.

Right after I gave Ryan Murphy a pass for the next season and a half because he did such a nice job on the first three shows of Glee this season he … just f*cked it all up. No Klaine duet at insane-o-imaginary-Christmas is just dumb. Update — 5.5 —- sweet mercy. Glee = where continuity goes to DIE.

My mom, of all people, pointed out that I’m supper behind on TBBT and so that could use some remedy.

So much big stuff I’ve been working on, thinking through, experiencing. So much grace and magic in my life right now but for tonight I’m just feeling shouty about TV because … it is easier ((and I’ve been waiting for DW for ten months)).

Heh.

Just checked my categories. ALSO! The November 1 Welcome to Night Vale is the best they’ve done in six weeks or two months. Made me totally happy and the weather was terrific. Update — I may have to learn how to do some audio editing just to make a “Cecil’s best words” loop for myself.

And as for AFP … she wrote a song for the woman who saved us all for so many years. Wait for 2:38 and then HEAR that song.

So what do you do when your show’s lead actor dies, when you announce that you have 1.5 seasons left without any interest in renewing?

You take the fact that continuity has NEVER been your strong suit, the fact that the 4th wall is pretty flimsy on the show … you just throw the flag on it.

They are going to take two (ish) seasons to do “one year of high school” but it WILL have two Christmas shows ((while all the Gleeks SCREAM in raw desire for a Klaine duet)).

I like it when Glee sings. I’m just gonna ride this out.

((updated after the Christmas show song list is released — SANS Klaine duet ……. ARGH!!!!!! WHY DO YOU ALL MAKE IT SO HARD TO STICK WITH YOU!!!!???!!!))