For awhile, a surprisingly long while actually, things in my life were pretty mellow.  Hectic, and sometimes not.  Sad, but mostly not.  Normal – almost always.  Pleasant.  Busy, but not taxing.

I got soft.

I killed an animal with a 2001 CR-V on Saturday.  In the end they didn’t total my car – but that feels insane because anybody who saw my car would recognize it as kind of a POS.  Not totally, but with the glory days a few years ago.  My car is the the high school cheerleading captain of 1994 who still lives in her home town.  Good lines, aging quickly.  So, surely I should get a new ride, but that was never simple – and I doubt it ever will be.

Jeff had a thing a couple of weeks ago that reminded me that nobody sees him the way that I do.  That is a good thing, and breaks my heart at the same time.  Things have turned a corner since then, I think, because the adults we swore would rise up – have.

You would never believe the amount of dental work I’m getting done between now and December 1.

I went to a conference about lung cancer and left inspired and absolutely crushed at the same time.  So inspirational in so many ways and so late, and so stigmatized, and so … I have done some of the things that I set up as goals, and some I have targeted for November.  Still, I am going to post the link here and I haven’t yet because.

We’re taking a trip to Illinois soon.  My dad, you see, is very sick.  He is old.

He is dying in a more tangible way than we ever believed possible in the dorm rooms in college when we knew everything.

I liked it when I knew everything.

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