Once a trend hits the 2.5 year mark or so, I start to give thought to joining in. Dress flip flops, capri pants – if it holds great potential to be unattractive, I take it out for a spin eventually.

My next test of the “why won’t this trend DIE already” variety was juice fasting, or juice cleansing. Either way – lots of juice. This is my story so far.

You can rely on any reasonably liberal college town to have a juicery of some sort at this point. Not your average Jamba Juice but, using my town’s as an example, a raw, vegan, organic, cold-pressed, non-pasturized juicery. The juice is interesting and refreshing in the shot glass sized cup, it allows you to have an opinion on kale juice, and in the 16oz bottle is more expensive than hiring Benedict Cumberbatch to wash the yogurt stains out of the back seat of your car.

Still, there are specials all the time, and so I signed up for two days worth of juice.

Day 1 – Picking up the juice.
I got a phone call early in the day asking me if I wanted to substitute some juices for the ones they were out of or if I wanted to pick up the next morning, “because it has been a crazy weekend.” At the juicery. I said I would substitute (annoyed because a pre-order should have some standing, right?) and when I got there they had closed more than an hour early because they were out of juice.

What the fuck?
Oh yeah, spring break abounds in a college town.

Day 2 – Actually getting the juice.
I had a light breakfast and headed back over to the juicery to pick up my supply for the next two days. They gave me a pep talk, some instructions, and sent me on my way with 16 bottles of juice. At the time I got them, the combination of their plan and my day – I was supposed to drink 16oz of juice every 90 minutes PLUS tea to beat back the caffeine headache AND water.

I am really susceptible to the temperature of the fluids I drink – I am a total wuss that way, so drinking cold juice while the outside air temp drops 20 degrees means that I am also drinking a lot of tea and hot water because hypothermia is my other option.

Results –
Light Breakfast
A sensation of being simultaneously VERY overfull and NOT sated at all.
My brain doing those tricks that I recognize from when I smoked that involve head bobbing and, “nobody is going to tell ME what to do”.
6 chicken nuggets
2/3rds of an old school box of mac & cheese
and a half a can of corn.

Day 3 – I’ll show you who is boss of ME!
This was today, with a plan of being out of the house for a large part of the day and some social coffee plans.

I felt good up through about 4:45 when I was talking to my mom and recognizing my entertaining rants as being about 30 minutes short of hunger induced raging bitch.
Beet juice before yoga (excellent practice today)
protein heavy one before coffee,
a ginger / veggie one before before the next coffee,
a veggie heavy one,
and then an apple veggie one.

There were two flavors in the original set that I just didn’t tolerate well at all. So I threw those out.

I am going to stay juice heavy for the next two days because it is an interesting change, I like some of the flavors, and I know that even with a vegan husband I do not get the variety of vegetables that I should.

Do I feel like a new person, no.
Am I doing it as prescribed – no, I’m a 40 year old woman with a life and a family.
Would I recommend it to you? Eh, don’t expect to be a new person because someone else can squeeze the hell out of a cucumber.