I seem to be experimenting with anxiety.

Although certainly from time to time there are anxious moments for everyone. The buzzing adrenaline feeling can have all sorts of connotations from excitement to fear to love or repulsion. Still, I am pretty sure that email should not send me into a fit of fight or flight. Also, needing to rotate laundry is something I have handled with ease since I was 12.

Last week I spent 5 days in variations of shaking and crying always filled with crystal clear, pure fear. Of email. Laundry. So yeah, that ain’t right.

I’m on the way to better already, I’m asking for appropriate help. On Friday there was a bit of mental clearing and it was nice to catch up on things for a little.

Yesterday, my husband and I worked hard to get all of the weekend stuff out of the way so that Sunday we could just BE and DO whatever the day offered.

At 10a this morning I had a plan, and my husband was … let’s say “curious” about how it would turn out. He was kind of right, I wasn’t totally sure. But now I am.

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I wanted to remind adrenaline where it belongs. At the top of a fucking wall, while I take one hand off to ring the bell. I don’t expect that it will take care of the anxiety – but adrenaline isn’t FEAR all the time, it is RUSH and POWER.

Also, kiddo had enough fun stuff to do that he wasn’t too interested in doing a lot of photography of me. Hence, I look VERY close to the floor here – but honest. I rang the bell.

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I wanted to remind myself.

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Of a life full of amazing.

Also. Rope burns.

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