I tend to normalize things pretty quickly. Stuff might get strange, but if it stays strange for more than a week or so I start thinking it is normal. Usually not in an awfulizing way, but in a way that lets me move on from the surprise of the strangeness.

With the end of LLV I have the strange sensation of having just walked out of the TARDIS a year into the future.

Every person I care about here has had some world-view-altering experience in the last year.
On the one hand, that is pretty awesome for most of them, and for those who had a hard year I still see wonderful things on the horizon for them (the universe conspiring to bring them something positive).

On the other hand, for me, it is kind of like finding out that your best friend is a singer because you see a poster for her show instead of her telling you about it. It feels distant in a way that I didn’t expect.

At the same time, I see things in myself that weren’t true a year ago.

For the first time in 11 years I am considering taking a plane somewhere other that ATL and ORD

For nearly two years my mental energy has been divided between two places – here & there. I’m closing those loops, un-liking the non-human fb pages, and finding out what comes next.

Last night I sat down to paint -something I started doing on LLV. I realize that I still haven’t totally normalized the strangeness of the return. I saw clearly the table where I began to figure out painting (I don’t have it anymore) and the way the light rested there (we don’t have a good west window here).

I remembered throwing out John’s art kit on the last trash day, which was the right thing to do – but a surprise that I had the ability to do it.

Things can be right. Things can be strange. They will be normal – just not today.

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