I wrote a half dozen thank you notes today.  I didn’t have the stamina to do all that I wanted to.

I went to volunteer today, unsure of how vocal I would be about it being my last shift.  I didn’t need to worry, they already knew and they were happy that my return looked  good and sad that I wasn’t going to be volunteering with them anymore.

I love taking the opportunity to meet whole new batches of people from time to time.  It is an interesting internal test, and it shows my weaknesses and prides and ego in ways that are helpful for me to know about, and get perspective on.  With the group I volunteered with, I was in the lowest possible sector with a disproportionate amount of knowledge.  It took me awhile to learn to walk that line, I am better for having learned it.

Still, sometimes it means looking at people I have a fondness for and knowing that I won’t see them again any time soon, even more likely is that I will never see them again.  Sometimes I will never know what becomes of them at all.  Not everyone does this, but it is how it works for me.

So there is always the question.  How far out there do I go, do I put myself, knowing that goodbye is always part of it?  How important a laugh in October, and how willing am I to trade it for sorrow in March?

De-connecting is difficult, but the time for it to begin in LLV has arrived.  I want to treat this sadness tenderly because I chose it.

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