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I’ve spent the day listening to, and thinking about, Amanda Fucking Palmer.

She did a TED talk today  and through twitter I watched her husband get nervous, giddy, and glowing about his lovely wife doing this big thing.

I like a lot of things about AFP, that she is my age and looks similar to me, that she is so bold, that she and her husband seem to adore each other so much, that she cut a tour short to bear witness to her friend who has cancer.  She makes stuff, her own way, and loudly but with quality.  She appears to fully own herself and knows that it is a gift for any PERSON to do the same.


I’ve spent the last two days waiting for Wil Wheaton and Felicia Day to make their big TableTop Announcement, and they finally did this morning.

I know about Felicia Day through watching Wil Wheaton and I adore them both for the same reason.  They are geeks, they felt strange about it for a long time and then they didn’t anymore.  The make stuff, and they are joyful in the making.  They know that making stuff is important for every person to do.


I make stuff too.



It is not always easy to be my kid.  It isn’t supposed to be easy all the time  but my guy has had his work cut out for him today.

We woke up early today, and I woke up in a very good mood.  We had time so we made pumpkin muffins together, even after I soaked up 1/2C of oil with three cloth napkins … I was feeling good, we were in a groove.

The 15 minutes before his dad took him to school I was biting my tongue because “it is time to GO guys” — they weren’t LATE per se — it was just time TO GO.

It started to snow as part of the next snowstorm marching across the nation.   Horizontal snow, door blowing open, husband’s school letting out early… hard core start.  So, I left work early, ditched the plan to work out (it has been TOO long y’all), grabbed the grocery bags and went and got the boy.  We went to the grocery store, we picked up some cocoa and coffee at DD, we went home.

Something about the way he got out of the car (aka – he didn’t read my mind and comply 100% the instant I had a thought … I was the one out of step) made me see red.

We got inside, he was having a great time and I was trying to recover and put food away.

When the garbage guy approached I thought it would be fun/nice/an excuse to YELL thanks to the guy who was working hard in the blowing snow.  He shouted back that I was putting the garbage out wrong.  That pointed out to me how fragile I was feeling because I really just wanted to sit down and cry.  I was TRYING to recover.

Husband got home early and went outside to tend to the accumulating snow.  We got dressed and then spent TWO hours crashing around in the snow and sledding on the “hill” that Husband built for us.  It was great fun.

Son couldn’t decide WHAT he wanted to drink when we got it… he wanted all of it.

We’ve got two hours until bedtime, that includes dinner… wish me luck.

I have a list on my fridge right now.






The core actions that keep me healthy and moving along at the clip that I like.  It should also say “veggies” but it doesn’t.  I had a bit of a mid-winter jumble, but for a few weeks now I’ve been looking at my reminders and getting stuff done.  It has felt good, I’ve learned some stuff.  I’ve stripped down a few areas in my mind where I had built up silly rituals or let useless things live rent free and unexamined.

Tonight though I am just flitting around the internet and making myself twitchy.  Without cable I only know about the Oscars through the internet and I like knowing what is happening so that I can look “in touch with the outside world” when I’m talking to people tomorrow.  I’ve been deliberate enough about not just twitching on the internet like this that tonight it is uncomfortable.

I’ve seen the dresses, the list will be up tomorrow.  For tonight I’m going to bed after a little reading and writing.

….. huh.  Wordpress is suggesting the tag Helena Bonham Carter … maybe it was the mid-winter jumble?

Last night I made my son repeat after me … “Hey! Subconscious! While I am asleep, please wake me up BEFORE I pee instead of waiting. Thank YOU!” When the moment came in the dark of the night, his subconscious rose to the occasion and my son rose to go to the bathroom.

When I try to talk to my subconscious right now it snarls and waves me off, it sends Chirpy Silver Lining Girl to talk to me (wearing her Serious Face), it reminds me that YouTube exists and perhaps Glee / Doctor Who / The Big Bang Theory / Sherlock have posted the best thing ever.

It reminds me that the Harlem Shake exists and the one with the dryer is the BEST EVER (and officially signals the end of the meme I expect).

My subconscious is just busy. I’m getting ready to reveal a new involvement of mine that I am incredibly excited about, I am planning a silly thing that I’d like to resolve this spring, I’ve got a big professional project that is new, I’m trying to embrace the last few months of long long vacation, there is just a lot of stuff happening right now. There are shadows and scary things (there always are) but right now the “back” of my mind takes up about 80% of my mind.

So today, I leave the back of my mind to the hard work of helping me through life and I’m going to go see a show (right after I check YouTube one more time).

I am not a McDonald’s person- which means I am also not a McDonald’s parent. Most of the time. This post is NOT about McDs as much as it is about having fun with my kid.

Today is a Mommy Camp day. Sometimes we’ve done super fun things for Mommy Camp and others I just try to slap some lipstick on a pig and call it an adventure so that we have a mainly home day so I can work. Today there is a pretty pig sitting in our living room.

We went on Adventure Breakfast. We walked through our neighborhood, cut across the field, and sauntered into our local McDs for the first time. With an indoor playground AND Free Coffee Monday. We spent 90 minutes there – they have basketball hoops and a general climb around area. Jeff loved his McGriddle and my breakfast was awful but the coffee was good and free. We walked back home cracking the ice on the sidewalks as we went.

McDonalds is a lot like Disney – it can feel strange to be in a place so engineered to provide a good experience … but they engineer a good experience. I don’t think any food should be off limits and I’m super glad we went this morning

I had a really great time on Adventure Breakfast today.

P.S. I’m sure you’re curious so I’ll tell you the other major component of Mommy Camp today… son got to skip his bath last night to take a Super Long Bath today – instead of it being part of bedtime, I promised to keep warming up the tub water so he could play until he was genuinely done playing in the water.

Today was the Y-tri, a timed event at the local YMCA. It measured victories in total distance and there was a specific amount of time on each event (10 minutes swimming, 20 minutes on a spin bike, 15 minutes on a treadmill, run in heats). This YMCA is the most athletically diverse place I have ever worked out at and I enjoy that.

Idea #1– This is just a fun way to say triathlon and so this athletically diverse group will turn out for it.
Reality #1 – This is a dial-in event for the athletes of the town to figure out how well the did over the winter for spring races.

Idea #2– Swimming doesn’t matter too much, because it is a lot of energy, short times, and short (relative to biking) distances.
Idea #2a – The fact that I’m being respectful of my shoulder injury and not swimming / drowning won’t have that much of an impact.
Reality #2 – The difference between 6th & 7th in my age group was a distance I could easily swim.
Reality #2a – I was 7th.

Idea #3 – I can do this without feeling competitive about it, I haven’t trained much, I’m not even doing the swim, and I just want to go play with mom anyway.
Reality #3 – The only other time I have been this close to the bottom of the rankings was the Twilight 5k when my son was 8 months old, I ran with him in the WRONG kind of stroller, it was a dial-in race more than a neighborhood gig, and I was physically underprepared.

My head is well-trained to look for the bright side of things, and every time (so far) that it has started chirping away about silver linings I remind myself that we are out of wine and I need to fix that to drown out that chirpy little bitch.

[note: I am REALLY hopeful this clears up by Sunday]

I have spent a lot of time this month working on some physical goals. I have been preparing for 2 different triathlons – but don’t get all excited for me because they aren’t THOSE type of marathons.

Y-Tri – this is an indoor timed triathlon. 10 minutes swimming, 20 on the bike, 15 on the treadmill being scored on total distance. Since I am the high end of the 35-39 range there is no way I am going to be competitive in this, but I’m looking forward to having the experience.

Lazy Man Tri – I will have 5 weeks total to complete Ironman distances, 2.4 miles swimming, 119 miles biking, and 26.2 miles walk/running. I have about 10 days left in this one.

So today I went to get some swimming / biking / walking in. I biked and then the pool I like (they have two, one warm & lovely one and one personal circle of hell “competitive” pool). At the end of the first length my shoulder ……

I don’t know.

My shoulder done fell out.

It hurts, to move it, to lift with it, to do anything but look like a person who has been pulled up a bit lame.

Ice and Advil have been applied. If it still hurts I am publicly saying I will try not to do the stupid competitive thing and will sit out the swim on Sunday (it isn’t effective at total distance anyhow).

Here is the thing. Many years ago I injured my knee doing water aerobics, and now I seem to have jacked my good shoulder (the other one has a similar yet well established bonehead injury that is nearly 12 years old) in the pool.

I thought swimming was gentle — but as enjoyable as it is, I’m more of a splasher I think.

(also – totally not going to finish my distances in the lazy man… but I still want the shirt).

I need to wish Steve a Happy Birthday.

It has been a long time since I talked to him (except that we are networked on LinkedIn) and I miss him, especially around award season and his birthday. In 2002 we watched most of the award shows together in his condo talking about movies and music and dresses that would never pass the Grammy Dress Code. He was an absolute rock and gentleman at a time when I needed one.

Our friendship did that twisting in the wind thing that friendships sometimes do where nothing obvious changes and you find that you are suddenly further away than before, and that once it starts nothing really brings it back. We had started to drift, then it got rough for him, when it got good again he was gone and that was that.

I don’t think you can be a nearly 40 year old woman without at least a few friendships like this. There were moments in your life when you were confident it was a person you would know for a long time and then 5 or 10 years down the line you can’t even quite remember the last time you talked to them. I think it is natural, but sometimes I still do that thing…

I think about getting a silly birthday card (detective themed if I can find it) and a beer that would be very good. Happy Birthday Steve.

My day had kind of an absurdly early start. About 3 hours earlier than I expected, and a solid hour earlier than I can really function within.

By the time my day really got rolling I had made an important decision – today I would make no important decisions, I would take nothing too seriously, and I would be overly forgiving to those around me (because I knew I would be easy to offend).

The most difficult time to hold to my resolution was when my parents invited us to dinner (really, we all started absurdly early). We did go, albeit if it had been a first date we NEVER would have gotten a second date. Everybody behaved well, we had an easy meal, and then we were able to head home. I didn’t even need to be super forgiving because nobody had actually offended me.

I made some progress on some stuff, applied for a neat thing in Washington, DC to help look at patient engagement in research. I’ve applied before to be on the advisory group but it would be a fun thing to do.

There is less craft in these words than usual, that is ok. Wish us all sweet and deep dreams because tomorrow is another day.

I missed it this morning but apparently some poor guy got hired to fly a hot air balloon over the snow covered plains around here. I’m grateful I’m not that guy.

I’m glad I’m not a graduated cast member of Glee whose story lines are short, hamfisted, and insane.

I’m glad that Sheldon exists on The Big Bang Theory and that Jim Parsons was chosen to play him because he is brilliant.

A woman I know is having alterations made to her body by a surgeon who is trying to save her life. I’m grateful the stars have aligned that she can get what she needs, when she needs it, with support.

I love the way that I view and interpret the world. I love that I am here right now, and there later, and those are both different from the place I was before.

I feel really strongly that my sense of perspective is one of the things that I need to protect most. I’ve not always been good at it but every time I get another chance to try is an opportunity to try and do better.

I am smiling today.